Have You Got What It Takes To Be The Next Bond

b17To be perfectly honest I’d be a bit disappointed if the next Bond was a woman. No eye candy for a start.

Don’t get me wrong I’m all for feminism, equal pay for actors etc but I like Daniel Craig (possibly Tom Hiddleston?) too much to give him up.

The BBC article recently on MI6 recruiting on Mumsnet made for an amusing read.

Taken from a government report: Women in the Intelligence Community “Overall women make up 38.1% of all SIS (Secret Intelligence Service)staff. There is plenty of evidence that women need more encouragement to apply for jobs or promotion.

The Agencies should explore groups other than graduates.

Women or mothers in middle-age or midcareer, who may have taken some years out to bring up children, may offer an untapped recruitment pool. The Agencies should use a broad range of mediums to advertise, including those specifically for women and mothers such as Mumsnet”

Hundreds of women (some could possibly be men disguised as women – but that’s a subject for another day) posting their unique attributes.

Listed below are the Mumsnet attributes of what it takes to be a spy, not a definitive one and please feel free to add.

  1. I have an excellent memory for detail… I have you all mentally spread-sheeted.
  2. I have this amazing ability to seem less intelligent than I actually am.
  3. I can also sober up incredibly quickly. Vital in situations where having fun suddenly becomes serious.
  4. I can do any number of tasks one-handed and have the multi-tasking skills of a multitasking ninja.
  5. I can stop an errant school child with just a look and the raise of my eyebrows. Russian spies have no chance against me.
  6. I love to drive at speed, and rarely get burned off at lights. I own a seiceneto.
  7. I am not afraid of dogs.
  8. I built an entire IKEA kitchen assisted by three under fives and a cat with a leg in plaster.
  9. After over a decade of parenting, I can correctly identify a vast range of nefarious activities from the most fleeting sounds.
  10. I can wiggle my ears. I’m like a miniature GCHQ.

I would give every one of these women a chance to be a spy just like Annie Machon, 47, who worked as an intelligence officer at MI5 for six years during the 1990s.

She says the qualities you need to be a spy depends a lot on which of the government agencies you apply for. There are three:

  • MI5, the domestic security service: team leader, influence people and gain people’s trust. Basically, anyone who runs (& survives) the school PTA should apply.
  • MI6 (now called Secret Intelligence Service or SIS), which gathers intelligence overseas: technically brilliant at things like coding and encryption. Perfect for the lady who built the IKEA kitchen.
  • GCHQ, often referred to as the listening agency because it runs the electronic eavesdropping operations. Most parents are ideal candidates, we don’t need electronic devices, we instinctively know when someone’s a “bad one”

Taken from a government report: Women in the UK Intelligence community.